lovely sometimes rarely maybe

and i was scared scared 
scared of existing 
of actually being real
i still am in fact
 frightened 
quite often
to this day. 
this long 
root of 
fear that keeps us quiet. 
no more 
no mas
no no more 
no no more 
nomas
enuf enuf enuf enuf
for a lifetime 
lasted enuf. ya. 
i thought i could
quiet the storm
inside me in the
water the water
could hold 
but no 
could not 
forever anyway 
out out 
out out of gut
now now 
always 
pouring and
spilling 
porous loose
lysander lye 
onto street
and cracks
and its lovely 
sometimes 
rarely maybe